Soaking Is Sex Without Moving

By | 2016-10-18T17:57:11+00:00 April 23rd, 2013|Tags: , , , , , , |

I was really tired yesterday. This whole habit of getting up super early, working all day, then running around my state visiting with people and having sex with Eloise can catch up with you after a while. I’m not going to stop doing those things but I’d just like to note that it can be tiring and yesterday I was really feeling it. Luckily my day wasn’t as packed as it was the day before yesterday. But there was still stuff going on!

Eloise came over to my place after we got out of work and she professed that she was also super tired and hungry. So we went out for dinner and got lots of veggies and this delicious fried-cauliflower that was just amazeballs. A pair of our friends met up with us for drinks after dinner and it was nice to catch up with them, as always. We also got some mega awesome dessert…have I mentioned how much we love dessert? We love dessert.

After dinner we went back to my place and got in bed and, one would assume, had sex. But we didn’t because we were really tired. So Eloise jokingly said that we should have sex without moving, just me put my penis in her and chillax for a while. That’s still sex, right? Turns out it’s not, and that’s exactly why Mormons do it! Sex-before-marriage is a big no-no in the Moron, er, I mean Mormon faith, so kids these days are working around the system by doing this thing called “soaking”, which is literally what I just described. The guy puts his dick into the girl and just stays still. Then he pulls out after however long and that’s it. No thrusting, no ejaculation, no nothing. Just “soaking”. It’s not sex, so God is totally cool with it! The logic of these people is just frightening.

Here’s a picture of Eloise’s torso as we were laying in bed reading about soaking. She’s wearing the shirt I got her for her birthday!



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My name is Scott and I run I am probably in love with you and probably want to have sex with you. That's just how I am. Follow me on Twitter!