You’ll have to forgive me for this Quickie because I’m going to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about Rammstein. I know the title refers to three things that don’t have anything to do with German dance metal, but I’ll get to those things as well. But you have to understand, I just found out that Rammstein will be playing a summer concert in New York and I am so fucking excited. I’ve never seen them live but their live DVD Rammstein In Amerika is easily one of my favorite concert films ever, so I absolutely need to see them for real sometime before I die. And those boys ain’t getting any younger, you know what I mean? You can’t be 70-years-old and having flames shoot out of your dick or figuring out new ways to ass rape and/or kill the keyboardist. So if I’m going to see them, I better see them soon!

But I’ll do my best to not talk about Rammstein now and talk instead about the things the title of this Quickie promises. First off, Ada and I climbed a big rock. I don’t know what to call it…it’s not big enough to be a mountain, but I feel like calling it a “hill” wouldn’t be doing it justice either. It’s a big rock thing in Connecticut and people walk/climb up it all the time, and we did it this past weekend together. Here’s a shot of the view from the top, with all the glory of dead flora and fauna (I’m sure the view is much more spectacular in the warmer months):

sleeping giant

Look at all the death!

I’m glad Ada and I got to do something outside together because some serious cold is coming our way, so this is probably the last outdoorsy thing we’ll be able to do until Springtime. I’m also glad that Ada and I got to bang, because banging Ada is super awesome. We banged pretty hard after we climbed that rock thing, and then we went to the movies to see this fucked up horror art film called The Eyes Of My Mother. That’s the kind of thing Ada and I do: bang each other hardcore and then watch fucked up murder shit.

Speaking of banging babes, I also banged Zoe. But before I banged her we did two things: ate burgers and worked on Zoe’s budget. I know what you’re thinking…budget? That’s not fun or sexy! Why were you doing that? Well, I actually really like budgeting. I like the numbers and logic of it all. It makes sense to me, it’s very straightforward and devoid of any sort of complicated interpretations. So yeah, I like that shit. But there was something very exciting about the burgers we ate, which was that they came with the pickles that I like! I only like very specific types of pickles: the ones that taste like a cucumber that was quickly dipped in brine and then taken out. More cucumber-y and less pickle-y, you know? I was super excited about those pickles. Here’s me ready to eat them:

the best pickles

This picture is dumb because no one eats a burger with a fork and knife.

Can you imagine how awesome it’s going to be to hear Rammstein pound out “Keine Lust” live? It’s going to be so fucking awesome! RAMMSTEIN!

Sorry, I got off track there. Where was I? Oh yeah, banging Zoe. Zoe is super fun because Zoe really likes bruises. She’s all about them, wants to get bruised all over. So when you have sex with Zoe you should give her a few bruises. Take my advice. Obviously you should only leave light bruising and only do it in places where it won’t cause her serious discomfort, but trust me: she’s all about ’em.

What else do I have to talk about? I hit on everything in the title, so I guess I’m done here. Now I’m off to listen to Rammstein!