Whether you think of SMS messaging, online instant messaging, email, or social network direct messages when I say the term “text messaging”, doesn’t really matter. They all are being abused…bastardized, even. Text messaging was intended to be a quick and unobtrusive way to communicate with people without dominating their attention. You could send them a message, which they instantaneously receive, and they could read it while at school, in the car, on their computer, or whatever, and then they could choose to return your message when they felt it appropriate. It wasn’t like being face-to-face where responses have to happen in real time while giving the subject your direct focus, or even like having a phone call where responses are in real time but you can be doing other things during the conversation. This was designed to make conversating something that could be perpetually ongoing at the pace the people decide. But it took a turn at some point and now has a side effect that not many people anticipated: people feel like there is no culpability for their words or actions while they have control over the conversation’s speed and trajectory.

As an example of what I’m talking about, let’s look at something that has more-than-likely happened to everyone reading this and everyone you know: you’re going to meet up with someone for some sort of function and they send you a text saying, “Sorry, I have to cancel” only a short time before the function was to begin. Maybe some sort of reason is attached to the cancellation text but a lot of the time no explanation is given at all. The sender of the cancellation text then feels totally absolved of all responsibility for breaking the plans and thinks nothing of it. After all, they feel they did the right thing and sent a message so the person expecting to see them doesn’t go to the function expecting them to be there. No big deal!

This lack of culpability for what quite possibly may have ruined the person’s evening, entire day, or possibly even entire week, is astounding. After all, if text messaging didn’t exist the person would have had no choice but to either verbally talk to the person they were cancelling on over the phone or not do so and simply stand them up. I think pretty much everyone would agree that standing someone up is really bad and would never want to do that, so that phone call would be their only option. But a phone call like that is tough: you can’t just say, “Sorry, I have to cancel” and hang up the phone. No, you have to apologize for canceling, explain why you’re canceling, and then hear the disappointment and dismay of the person-you-are-canceling-on’s voice. That’s a tough pill to swallow. Given those two choices a lot of people may choose to just suck it up and meet with the person rather than cancel because, man, that phone call sounds like it’s going to suck.

But now, with text messaging, they can pick any number of easy ways to get the “Hey, I’m not going to keep plans with you because they’re just not that important to me” message across without having to deal with any messy things like responsibility or negative emotional reactions. In less than 5 seconds they have gotten the word across and are ready to move on with whatever it is they were going to do instead of the original plans they had made. It’s unbelievable.

And that’s just one example of text messaging’s destructive power. Entire relationships can be created and destroyed with a handful of texts. Promises broken, commitments neglected, responsibilities destroyed. Insults can be thrown, threats can be made, careers can be terminated. It can happen so quick that it’s merely a blip on the radar for the perpetrator…one second they are texting a “Sorry” text or a “Fuck you” text or an “I quit” text, and the next second they are turning to talk to the person they have been simultaneously chatting with, or hitting “Play” on their TV to watch a movie, or shutting off their phone and going to sleep. They don’t even have to wait for the response. Hell, they don’t even have to read the responses when they come, they can just delete them! What would have been a common, simple, yet still emotionally taxing and tricky situation 15 years ago has become a 10-second series of button-presses that barely register in the emotional center of the person.

What can be done about it, though? Text messaging is here to stay. The bulk of my communication with people is done via some sort of text messaging and I’m sure the vast majority of society is in the same boat. You can forego the technology entirely and not have a mobile phone and not use email, I suppose. But that’s limiting in its own way. After all, how are people going to communicate with you?! They communicate with everyone else they know via text message, so if you’re the odd-ball out you’re more than likely just going to be forgotten (see also: people who don’t use Facebook or Twitter).

The only practical solution is for people to set the right example themselves. If you’re going to cancel plans with someone last minute, for whatever reason, call them. If you need to have a serious discussion with someone about something, use text messaging to set up a get-together and do it face-to-face. Don’t have the conversation via text. When you call someone to cancel on them the chances will be greater that they will feel compelled to do the same when they have to cancel on you. If you refuse to have a heavy conversation via text, you show the person the importance of having body language, voice tone, and physical presence available to give weight to the words you know you will be saying during that conversation. When people see how one situation went and can compare it to text-only situations they experience with other people, hopefully they will be smart enough to see the positive difference actual communication makes.

Then again, maybe we’re just all fucked and text messaging will have destroyed relationships as we know them. Time will tell…

Most of the people I meet and have relationships with start online either with OkCupid (of which I’ve been an A-List member since 2008) or Tinder (which I’ve only recently started trying). According to a very recent study, 41,250,000 people in the US alone have tried online dating. To put that into perspective, it’s estimated that there are about 54,250,000 people who consider themselves to be “single” in the United States, which means that over 76% of single people today are doing at least part of their dating in cyberspace. So before you get all “Online dating is for weirdos who can’t get dates the old fashioned way” take a look at those stats. If you still need convincing, head here to read even more in-depth stats about online dating and modern relationships.

In my online dating profile, both on OKC and on Tinder, I explicitly state that I’m in a non-monogamous relationship and live with my primary partner. So whenever there’s communication between me and a prospective date they know right away that they’re not chatting with just any random single dude; I’m a bit more unique than most. Some girls are really into it, some girls are totally turned off…but most girls are kind of like, “Hmmm…that’s interesting. I don’t know how I feel about that.” If I’m into an on-the-fence girl I encourage them to meet up with me simply because I’ve found that most of them figure out that non-monogamy is something they’d enjoy once they actually meet someone living that lifestyle. And if they meet me and realize that they’re not into it (or maybe just not into me) then no big deal, right? They spent an evening out with a guy who made them laugh a bit and had some cool stories to tell and got to share their stories with him. No harm, no foul.

That’s how communication started with a girl I recently connected with on OKC…we’ll call her Sasha. I sent Sasha a cute first message and she came back with this:

I hear the whole, “You seem cool but the idea of not being able to be your one and only girlfriend in the very near future is a deal breaker” quite a lot. It doesn’t bother me. So I sent her this reply expecting that to be the end of it:

To my surprise, she came back with a message that stated she’d give me a try and go out on a date with me, and even included her phone number with the message. So I took the conversation off OkCupid and started texting with her. Within a few texts she was saying, “When should we meet up?” We decided a Sunday afternoon lunch worked well for the both of us but she said she wouldn’t be able to commit to a specific time until the nite before, which is fine. She told me to text her on Saturday evening and she’d be able to make a definite plan.

So far, this is going really well. She’s eager to meet, albeit not totally convinced that meeting is going to lead to anything. She’s also incredibly attractive, which is not a major factor in the girls I choose to meet up with but always very nice. We text back and forth fairly consistently throughout the rest of the day.

Within only a few hours of texting, we’re talking about what would happen if sex were to be something we wanted to do together once we’ve met up. We talked about safety and she talked a bit about boys and girls she’s had sex with in the past, as well as her feelings on group sex (she’s into it…a lot). Still all going swimmingly. Then the nude pictures started being sent. I get some shots of her naked ass (which is glorious), some shots of her boobs (also magnificent), and then some shots of just her doing selfies with clothes on. This is fucking great!

The conversation winds down and I tell her I’ll text her on Saturday to make final plans for our Sunday lunch, to which she says she’s excited for. On Saturday morning around 10:00 AM I send her a text just being like, “Good morning! Hope you’re doing well.” No response. OK, no big deal, maybe she had a late Friday nite and is still sleeping. The afternoon comes and goes and then we’re into early evening. I send her another text saying I’m excited about meeting up tomorrow and for her to let me know when she knows what time will work for her.

No response.

Now, this has happened to me before a whole bunch. Second thoughts start to creep in: “Is this really going to be worth my time?” or “This guy seems really intimidating what with these multiple relationships and this sex life that is way out there…do I want to even bother?” Thoughts like these are totally understandable and they don’t offend me in the least. I get the feeling that this is what’s happening; after all, we texted for hours straight back and forth and she was quick to reply nearly instantaneously just yesterday, so what else could it be? Broken phone, maybe? Unlikely. So I send her this text:

As you might have guessed, no response. By this point, I’ve already chalked her up as a person who just doesn’t hold people and her commitment to them in high regard. I know I shouldn’t jump to that conclusion and give her the benefit of the doubt, but I’ve just been doing this too long. This is the way people are now, this is the way modern dating is. There’s absolutely zero commitment given and zero commitment expected…but the idea that that kind of attitude could ever lead to any kind of meaningful relationship is patently absurd. But I digress…after not receiving a response to that last text I went ahead and just expected not to be having lunch with her the next day.

On Sunday morning I got up and made Eloise breakfast and cleaned the house a bit. Around noon, with still no response from Sasha, I got angry and sent her this text:

Lo and behold, I got a response from her immediately:

…”You’re a guy I met on the internet.”

That sentence there sums up it all, folks. That’s what this problem is. I’m a guy she met on the internet, yes, but I’m still a person. I’m a real person on the other end of the text messaging chain and I have real reactions to what people say and do to me. She made a plan with me, a fairly specific plan of lunch on Sunday. I put that lunch into my calendar and therefore did not make any other plans at that time, when I very well could have. I got excited to meet an attractive woman and have lunch with her, and then was let down. I was disrespected and feel that rejection and dismay. Is this the end of the world? No, of course not, but it still fucking sucks and could have easily been avoided.

And what the fuck is “I was very sick last nite and couldn’t reply?” Was she paralyzed all day? Unable to move her arms or hands and text out, “I’m sorry, I’m sick…will text back when I’m better”? Of course she wasn’t. She probably wasn’t even sick, but she needed to say something to make herself feel like she wasn’t just being a neglectful and hurtful asshole.

But what’s really astonishing about this whole thing is the pictures. I have naked pictures of Sasha. Apparently, in this day and age of modern dating, sending a strange man multiple naked pictures of yourself is A-OK, but for him to expect that you keep the plans you made with him is just way outta line. Am I taking crazy pills? How fucking backwards is that? Sasha is lucky that I’m not that asshole guy who’s going to post those pics on the internet for all to see. Although I’m sure that’s already happened, because I’m sure I’m not the first guy this has happened to on her account.

This is fucked up, folks. This is just not the way it should be. If this was an isolated incident I would look the other way, but I have literally dozens of stories just like this that have happened to me in just the past year or two, let alone my entire life. Maybe I should just make a blog of them and raise awareness for how fucked up people’s priorities and sense of responsibility towards their fellow man really are.

Anyway, /rant. Fuck you, Sasha, and all the people like you.

However, he won’t drop it. He asks for it all the time, brings it up all the time, just won’t stop thinking about anal sex. I’m not entirely opposed to trying again but really: how much do I have to try and like this before he accepts that I just don’t?

-Not Into Anal

This is a tough one and I’m not sure you’re going to like my answer.

First off, kudos to you for trying anal sex. Although I talk a lot (and Eloise talks a lot) about how stupid it is that anal sex is stigmatized in American culture as being so gross and painful and awful, that disdain does not prohibit me from understanding that it can be a very daunting thing for girls. And as anal sex becomes more accepted in society it will become more “expected” which will only make it more difficult for girls who don’t like it to avoid situations like the one you’re in.

Normally I tell everyone to try everything twice. I can’t tell you the amount of women in my life that have told me they don’t like a specific sexual act and then have changed their minds about it 100 fold once they’ve tried it again under different circumstances. This is especially true for anal. Their first anal experience may have been an accident (“Whoops, wrong hole!), a rape situation (“Whoops, wrong hole! But I’m not going to stop now.”), or any other number of negative situations. Since they’ve now done anal, they think they know that it is 100% bad and never want to do it again, when they don’t realize that if they did it in a prepared way with someone they know and trust in the right environment they may very well enjoy it. So that’s what I say.

But it seems from your letter that you did just that. You took all the right steps and were a good sport and tried to be a great girlfriend for your boy, but in the end you just didn’t care for it. Encouraging you to go through that again seems to me to probably be a lesson in futility. However, maybe it’s not, maybe you should try it again. Let me put it this way…the worst that can happen if you try it again is that you have a bad time with it, but the best that can happen is that you like it more than you did the first time. Ultimately, the choice is up to you.

Let’s assume that you try it again, making it twice that your boyfriend has put his dick into your ass, and you still hate it just as much as you do now. To me that is more than enough to solidly declare to your boyfriend that you don’t like anal sex and never will and that it is now permanently off the table. If he disagrees and continues to whine and moan about how he wants to fuck your ass then you need to lay the smack down and say, “It’s me, or anal sex. You can’t have both. So pick.”

The problem is that either way will probably be bad. If he picks to leave you then that will obviously suck. But if he picks to stay with you without anal sex, he may grow to resent that he can’t get his anal rocks off while he’s with you. That resentment could permeate through the relationship creating a slow and drawn-out death. It could not go down that way but if anal sex is really that important to him, it likely could. So you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.

As of right now you are dating a guy who really loves anal sex and you are a girl who really does not like anal sex, which you may not believe but makes you fundamentally incompatible. Unless you want to open up your relationship so he can get his anal kicks from other more willing ladies you may both just have to accept that you’re not the right fit for eachother. Sorry for the bummer of an answer, NIA, but sometimes the hard truth is what you have to lay down.

These are all great questions. Let’s start at the beginning with defining fetishism and kink:

kink: practices which go beyond conventional sex with the specific intent of heightening sexual arousal or intimacy.

fetishism: when a person uses a physical object and/or specific situation to create or enhance their own sexual arousal.

As you can see, there’s a lot of overlap here. If someone is kinky they are probably a fetishist, and if someone is a fetishist they are probably kinky. The distinction between the two terms is that a specific fetish may not be that kinky. For example, men who have a fetish for female breasts would not be considered that kinky by most people. Most men like breasts and find them sexually arousing so if one man really finds them sexually arousing, to the point where they have a fixation on breasts over the rest of the female body, most other people would not find this that “out there”. So what the difference between fetishism and kink really comes down to is that society decides what is kinky and not, and you yourself decide on what your fetishes are.

The idea that what’s kinky and what’s not kinky is decided by society at large is fascinating. Let’s take oral sex for example. There is nothing “conventional” about oral sex, i.e., one does not have oral sex with the specific intention of procreation. Oral sex is strictly for pleasure. So at some point oral sex was probably considered to be kinky…maybe not super kinky, but kinky nonetheless. Now oral sex is pretty much a standard activity for most sexual partners. Men getting blowjobs and women getting eaten out probably doesn’t even raise the eyebrows of most people nowadays, and if a lady came up to you and confided in a hushed tone that she likes when men lick her clitoris, most people would just be like, “Yeah? So what?” What was once kinky is kinky no more.

Certain fetishes that were once kinky are likewise no longer kinky. According to a sexual study done over a 20-year period, nearly 60% of the subjects cited certain types of clothing brought them erotic satisfaction. A long time ago if someone were to say, “I really like seeing my girlfriend in white cotton panties”, people may have been shocked. Now that seems mild and tame in comparison to the other fetishes out there. Even leather objects and outfits, which only 11% of the subjects confided turned them on in the aforementioned study, are considered to be a tame fetish by most people’s standards.

Kink in general is becoming more and more accepted, probably in large thanks to the internet. Hair pulling, spanking, light bondage, use of sex toys, role playing…all of these are in general looked upon as fairly normal by sexually open minded people. Shit, piss, blood, simulated rape, beastiality, fisting, and general violence, are all still looked at as pretty extreme by even the most sexually liberated of people. Who knows what we will still consider kinky in 100 years time?

Is any of this “normal”? If you read the Sexpress Yourself section of this site you’ll find a lot of questions people ask about whether or not the kink or fetish they have is “normal”. A lot of people feel terrible about their kinks and word their questions in a way that says, “Can you tell me how to make this stop?” Almost universally I tell them to not try and stop it, just accept it. People are much too concerned about whether or not their specific kink or fetish is normal and in doing so miss the whole point: everyone has a kink or a fetish. They may not have YOUR kink, but they have one. So the person who has a fetish for cross-dressing men and the person who has a fetish for uncircumcised penises are both in the same boat; sure, the former may be less common than the latter in their specific culture or social circle, but they both are fetishists. Instead of looking at yourselves as different from one another because of your fetishes, think of yourselves as part of the same kinky club.

What if you don’t have any fetishes and don’t consider yourself to be that kinky? You just like plain ol’ vanilla sex: two people in their bedroom in one or two positions and then done. That’s fine. What’s interesting is that with all the kinky people being open about their kinky selves they are making it more “normal” to be kinky than not. Being kinky is slowly becoming the de facto way to be, and being vanilla is becoming…well, kinky.

The important thing to take away from all this is that kinks and fetishes are just part of life. Don’t fight it: embrace it.

I am a “polyamorous” person. Polyamory literally translates as “many loves” and is used to describe relationships that differ from the traditional form of monogamy (i.e. one person being exclusively sexual with one other person). These relationships are sometimes called “open relationships” or “non-monogamous” relationships.

There are countless other sites dedicated to the dissection, definition, and explanation of polyamory so I won’t kid myself by trying to cram it all into one blog post. If this is your first time hearing about polyamory or you aren’t too familiar with the term I highly recommend breezing through the Wikipedia page on it, reading Tristan Taormino’s site OpeningUp.net, or if you’re feeling industrious, picking up a copy of The Ethical Slut.

Now that you’re familiar with the term, let me tell you about MY non-monogamy story. This may seem like superfluous information but this will give you a great idea of where I’m coming from with my approach to relationships. It will also help you with other blog posts that will inevitably make reference to my past relationships…think of this as a primer.

I first had sex when I was 14 years old and spent the next two years awkwardly exploring sexuality with the lovely girls who were willing to be sexual with a guy who couldn’t even drive yet. I had come a long way by 16 and learned quite a bit but there was one thing that was eluding me. At age 16 I finally figured it out…I was attractive. Up until that point I really hadn’t grasped the reasoning behind why anyone would want to have sex with me in the first place other than the fact that I was willing and able to do so. Once I realized that I was, physically anyway, the kind of guy that attracts women fairly easily I took that info and ran with it.

At that point in my life monogamy wasn’t exactly my #1 desire. I had had plenty of girlfriends by that point, which were monogamous, but they were all silly little high school things that lasted a handful of months or sometimes even weeks before fizzling out for any number of stupid reasons. Once I knew that girls wanted to have sex with me my desire for monogamous girlfriends worked its way from “kind of important” to “not at all important” fairly quickly. I still was in love with girls…a few specific ones come to mind who I definitely felt a strong physical AND emotional desire for…but my primary motivation was the physical aspect.

Around the time I turned 18 I met a girl named Jessica at a show my band played. Jessica quickly became infatuated with me…she would call me, email me, instant message me, etc., incessantly. Time and time again she would propose we become an item. She was too young for me (15 at the time, and acted it) and I didn’t want a relationship anyway. Every time I pushed her away though, it made her press for it that much harder. Soon we were having sex, which wasn’t at all terrible because she was totally cute with an amazing body. But of course that just opened the floodgates even more for her to try and rope me into monogamy.

Eventually I told her in a very irate tone that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her at all and that if she was going to keep pressing it I would just cease communication with her entirely. I don’t know if it was out of desperation or genuine desire on her part but she presented the idea to me that we could be a boyfriend/girlfriend team but still be able to have sex with other people. Her main motivation was to be able to label herself as “Scott’s Girlfriend”, and whatever that entailed was fine by her. This seemed totally ridiculous to me at the time but I went with it because it seemed to be a win-win…I can do what I want, I still get to have sex with Jessica, and she stops badgering me into doing things I don’t really want to.

This arrangement lasted on-and-off for quite a while, nearly 3 years. I had plenty of secondary girlfriends during this time (Jessica is what’s called a “primary” and anyone else she or I had a relationship with, sexual or otherwise, are called “secondaries”) and she had a handful of secondary boyfriends too. At one point we moved in together (a huge mistake that lasted a few months). For the year prior to us moving in together I was seeing a girl named Sarah who quickly moved up the ladder as my favorite secondary. Jessica made it very clear that she didn’t like Sarah at all and saw her as a threat to our relationship…Sarah quickly became a scapegoat for all the problems our relationship was having eventhough 90% of them were there before Sarah showed up on the scene anyway. In my and Jessica’s apartment one nite (Jessica wasn’t there) Sarah poured out her emotions to me and told me she was in love with me. I realized very quickly that I was in love with her too, and thus started a war.

Sarah and Jessica quickly became two horses trying to draw-and-quarter me. I’d break up with one to go for the other and then a few months later break up with that one to go back to the first. It was a nitemare of epic proportions that was terrible for me but I’m sure doubly worse for the two of them, not knowing which girl I was going to eventually stay with, if any. At one point I was so confused that the only thing I could think to do was to push one completely out of my life to devote all my focus to the other and see if that worked. If it did then I’d be all set…if it didn’t then the war would be over because clearly the spurned girl would not take me back after being shut out like that. I chose to be with Jessica and shut Sarah out of my life.

It was a little less than a year before I realized that was a really big fucking mistake. I swallowed my pride and came back to Sarah with my tail between my legs begging for forgiveness and was absolutely thrilled when I got it. Right away we had a hardcore discussion about what needed to change in order for the relationship to work.

What would surprise many people is that “monogamy” was not one of the things that needed to be implemented. Sarah was the first to admit that me seeing other girls was not an issue, it was me seeing JESSICA, or seeing some other girl who could potentially cause me to throw my relationship with Sarah into problem territory, that was feared. We made ourselves a basic list of rules of who could do what with who and set off on our relationship adventure.

And it was a total success…within months we had an apartment together. We were absolutely crazy about eachother in every possible way. We couldn’t keep our hands off one another and practically every second we were in eachother’s presence we were smiling from ear to ear. Our families got along great, my band was starting to make some progress, and Sarah was making waves at her small art college she was attending. And, to top that all off, I had a steady group of secondaries that were all lovely in their own ways, and Sarah had some too.

Sarah and I were together like that for just under 6 years, over half of our 20′s. During that time we were confronted countless times by friends, family, sometimes even total strangers, about our relationship. We had no idea that what we were doing had a name or that anyone else was doing it the way we were…we just knew we liked it and liked eachother and it made us happy. At one point we even were asked to come to a college sexuality class by a mutual friend and do a presentation about how we operated. It was like we were revolutionaries, eventhough now we know and understand that we were in well-worn territory, albeit one that stays under the radar.

Sarah and I successfully navigated through a lot of the pratfalls that occur in a non-monogamous partnership. The rules were constantly changing and we were keeping up, albeit with some amount of arguing and fighting. But we were astonished even ourselves to see that our unique relationship was outlasting all our friends’ monogamous relationships at an alarming rate. In a way we were looked up to by a lot of our peers as being the “rock” couple…we were the couple that everyone knew they could depend on being a couple.

Unfortunately that was not to be. In the fall of 2009 Sarah and I broke up. It was totally devastating for me because I was the one being broken up with, but it was definitely devastating for her as well. Our breakup had to do with many factors but non-monogamy was surprisingly not one of them. It took me a while to get back on my feet emotionally again but when I did I realized that monogamy was not something I could ever do after Sarah. She and I proved that non-monogamy can work…not many of my friends in their 20’s can boast of a successful 6 year-long relationship, monogamous or not. Monogamy, to me, seemed like training wheels on a bike: necessary to get used to things, but meant to be discarded when they are no longer necessary.

I knew then that I would never be in another relationship again unless it was non-monogamous, especially considering that I had now been in non-monogamous relationships more than monogamous ones. It’s just the way I am.

After the breakup with Sarah I met my next primary girlfriend Nicole online at a site called OkCupid. We entered into a primary relationship after a few months of dating. This was her very first non-monogamous relationship so it was a big learning experience for her. We were together for 2 years and some change before the idea of having children came up and broke it apart in early 2012. She wanted to have them and I don’t and won’t ever, which obviously meant the partnership had to end. A lot of the early stories here at Sexpressed take place during the latter half of this relationship.

After Nicole and I ended I made it my goal to be single for a while but unfortunately (or fortunately, rather) I met Eloise in April 2012 and that all changed. I fell head over heels for her in no time and we are now in a primary relationship. The stories you read here are based under these pretenses!

But the second most common question I get is, “How can I become a straight male porn star?” One time I got an email that was literally, “How to become a straight male porn star.” Just like that, no “Hi”, no “My name is…”, no “Goodbye.” Maybe they were suggesting I make a video on how to become a straight male porn star and title it that? I don’t know, but the messages have been coming in since I launched the site and they don’t appear to be slowing down at all.

I’d hoped that my Sexpress Yourself post that addressed one of the guys who sent me a “How to become a straight male porn star” message would change the tide and I’d no longer get the messages anymore. But remarkably that actually seemed to increase the amount of messages I received. I tell you, sometimes the universe makes no sense. But I still stand by what I said in that post, so give it a read if you haven’t already.

With the sheer volume of these messages I get, it’s clear that I need to write a new post to address the guys who really want to get paid to fuck chicks on camera, but don’t want to go through the steps I laid down in that Sexpress Yourself post. So, here I am: how to become a straight male porn star!

The best place to go to get your porn career rolling is a site called SexyJobs.com. It’s like Monster.com or CareerBuilder.com, but all of the potential employers and job hunters on the site are geared towards various sectors of the adult industry. I have used SexyJobs to cast the videos I’ve made here on Sexpressed, and it’s been a godsend. The site has all the features you need to narrow your selection of talent down to every last detail, and new people are joining every day. If I was making a porno movie and needed some straight male talent, SexyJobs would be the first place I would go…they were the first place I went when casting Jazmyn for How To Prepare For Anal Sex and Anthony for How To Cum Like A Porn Star, that’s for sure! And SexyJobs is where I’ll go to book the star of the next Sexpressed “How To” video, without a doubt.

So if you really want to be a straight male porn star, get yourself a profile on SexyJobs. But don’t just throw up a bare bones profile and expect the offers to come rolling in. It says right in the company name: SexyJobs.com…SexyJOBS. You need to treat this as a legit job hunt that you’re performing to nab a great, legit job. That means putting photos of yourself on the site…face and all…so that the casting departments know what you look like. And don’t put up some grainy shit you took with your phone, get a professional photographer to take some head shots, full body shots, and some nudes. Fill out your profile completely and truthfully…don’t say you weigh 170 when you currently weigh 180, and don’t say your dick is 9 inches long when it’s actually barely 5.

Right now a lot of guys are thinking, “But then my face and naked body and personal stats will be on an adult jobs site!” Well, guess what: you’re trying to be a straight male porn star. Do you think that happens overnite? No, you have to put yourself out there to get cast, and then you have to prove yourself on camera. Trust me, no casting agent is going to even talk to a potential straight male porn star if they don’t have professional photos of their entire body at the ready. So spend some cash and get a pro to take your pics.

If you’ve got an awesome look and really do a great job with your profile, you’ll probably start to get messages pretty quickly. But even guys that are blessed with great bodies and huge dicks will still have to do some leg work. Search for companies on SexyJobs that are looking for straight male talent, and message them to let them know you are looking. Be professional in your email, and do some research on the company and incorporate that info into your message so they know you’re not just cutting-and-pasting the same message to everyone. Remember, porn studios are looking for guys who fit the physical qualities of a male porn star, but a guy’s professionalism, dependability, intelligence, and personality are huge factors as well. You need to show the studios that you’re the package deal!

If you really want to wow a casting agent, you should give them a link to a video of you performing. This is where the advice I gave in that previous Sexpress Yourself post comes in handy. Find a girl who will shoot a scene with you and get it shot. Even if it’s just a video camera on a tripod, at least it will show that you can get hard on camera, last a good amount of time, fuck well, and can control your cum shot. Because if you can’t do that stuff? You ain’t getting cast!

As you can see, putting your profile on SexyJobs is only the first step…you have a lot of preparation to do! Remember that getting a job as a straight male porn star is not easy. After all, if it was everyone would be doing it! You need to set yourself above the pack of lazy guys who are just trying to get paid to get laid, and to do that you’re going to need to really put yourself out there and do a lot of leg work. But hey: if it works you’ll be banging the hottest girls in the world and making bank like Erik Everhard, James Deen, Manuel Ferrara, and all the rest. I’d say that’s worth it.

This question is quite tricky, you, therefore, will have to pay close attention while reading so you do not miss out on any detail.

There really is no definite period a crush is supposed to last. The length of time a crush lasts is basically dependent on how long one is crushing on another person. There is no limit to how long a crush can go on for. It could be a few days, some weeks, or a few months. It could also last for years, or an entire lifetime.

A simple example of this is. One might be crushing on an individual they are not opportune to meet. Now, if you are crushing on a fellow for a long time and you are unable to get a private time to talk to them, it might seem the love is gone. That, however, might not be the case. Now, in this situation, the crush might be gone. However, there are times it remains and only resurfaces when you meet them in person.

In its simplest form, crushing on an individual can be likened to loving such individual and waiting just for the right time to meet them physically. This, therefore, is an indication that it never dies. It could only seem forgotten and resurfaces when there is an opportunity.

What Does Crushing on Someone Mean?

You can’t tell exactly how long a crush should last if you do not even know what crushing on someone means. So, what is a crush?

One is said to have a crush on another when they fall in love with such person and are willing to spend time with that person. However, in this situation, if you do not get the privilege to talk to the person you are crushing on, the crush will remain. This situation is not peculiar to women. Men also crush on women. It, however, appears more rampant among women. The reason for this is women have a reputation for not saying exactly what they feel. What they will most likely do when they are crushing on a guy is to wait patiently until he walks up to them.

What Do You Experience When You Have a Crush on Someone?

One thing virtually everyone that has a crush on an individual experiences excitement when the person they have a crush on is around them. It does not matter how far or how close. So long the person they like is close to them, most people will be happy.

While being happy is one thing that people experience when they have a crush on someone, there is more. It is difficult for one to say no to their crush when the crush makes a request. They also find it difficult to get angry with them. Furthermore, there is a feeling of nervousness when their crush is around. Additionally, you might see your crush with your eyes closed or when you dream.

Finally, when you speak with them for a long time, you will feel satisfied. Sometimes, you might not want the conversation to end. Well, in this situation, you do not have a choice as it will definitely come to an end.

How Long Do Guys Crush on Girls?

When a guy has a crush on a girl, it takes a long time to get over it as compared to when a girl has a crush on a guy. It even gets more difficult for a guy to come over a crush he has on a girl if the girl is aware he has a crush on her.

To a large extent, when a girl notices a guy has a crush on her, she might act like she does not know he has an interest in her. She might also have a crush on the guy. She, however, will never admit to having a crush in front of the guy. Beyond not admitting to having a crush, she might even never give the guy an opportunity to talk to her. She will do this using lots of excuses and a great deal of shyness. Nonetheless, she will wish she gave him a chance to talk to her.

There are lots of reasons it is difficult for a guy to come over a crush he has on a girl. One of these reasons is he might always be around her without having the opportunity to really talk to her. Often, the girl keeps avoiding the guy until he begins to dislike himself for having a crush on her. While a good number of girls make it difficult for a guy to get the chance to talk to them as soon as they know he is crushing on them, others make the process very easy by simply being friendly. Although there are girls like this, they are a minority.

How Long Do Girls Crush on Guys?

It does not take a lot of time for a lady to get over a crush on a guy. This is even more common when the guy knows she is crushing on him and feels the same way about her. When a lady has a crush on a guy and the feels the same way, he will most likely be very friendly towards her and this will go a long way in helping the girl.

How to Stop Crushing on Someone

There are times it is as though a crush dies by itself. Other times, one has to take active steps to kill a crush. If you have been crushing on someone for a long time and have not been able to get over it, the tips below can help you do so.

• Avoid stalking them on Social Media: It is not a break from the norm for people to go on social media just because they want to stalk someone they have a crush on. As much as you must avoid them physically, you must also avoid them on social media.
• If you have mutual friends, you might always come across them. You, however, will have to do everything in your power to ensure they are out of sight. Even if you come across their update, you simply need to ignore it.
• Go Out and Meet New People: Go out, meet new people, and make new friends. This might not seem like much. It, however, can go a long way in keeping you happy when you are away from your crush. You should not depend on the love or affection of your crush to be happy. When you mingle with other people, it is only a matter of time before you forget about your crush.
• You should not avoid them: This is perhaps the worse way to get over a crush. If you have a crush on someone, there is no point in avoiding them. If you avoid them, you will simply be hurting yourself. When you come across your crush, you just need to ignore them and say “hello”.

Do this like you have no feelings for them. When you do this, it is only a matter of time before you get over whatever it is you feel for them.

• Learn to Deal with the Truth: Accepting that you do not have anything serious with a crush can be difficult for some people. Nonetheless, if you must come over a crush, you should remember that you are not in a relationship with them yet. A crush is one person being in love with another. It is not mutual. So, avoid assuming the feeling is mutual. When you have a crush on someone, you do not have to be together. You have to treat it just like this.
• Stay Away for Them: Staying away from someone you have a crush on for a while can help you come over some of those feelings. This might not be very easy as you will always want to be around them. Nonetheless, being around them is not the way to get over this feeling. To get over a crush, you will have to get so occupied with work. When you are busy, it will be difficult to remember them.
• It is Okay to Approach Your Crush: This is not always easy for lots of people. It, however, is one of the ways to settle things once and for all. You just might not know. There, however, could be something about your crush you will dislike. This might be all you need it to stop being interested in them.

Beyond finding out something you do not like about them, you could also start something if the feeling is mutual.

However, this will end today as you will be able to tell when someone is thinking about you sexually when you are through reading this article.

Below are a few tips to help you know when someone is thinking about you sexually.

The Way They Touch You

It is normal for people to touch one another as it is impossible to exist in the same space for a long time without contact. While physical contact is normal, certain ones have underlying meanings. When an individual is interested in you sexually, you will feel it in their touch. If you have been wondering whether someone is sexually interested in you, it is crucial to pay attention to how they touch you.

They Flirt with You

This sign is more common among ladies. When a lady is thinking about a guy sexually, she will always flirt with him and try fixing herself in front of him. Furthermore, she will always give him a romantic eye contact from time to time. While flirting from a distance can show a woman wants a man sexually, she could also make a habit of always coming into his space and sometimes pressing her body against his.

They Always Want to be Alone with you

People usually enjoy spending alone time with those they are interested in. However, if you notice someone wants to always be alone with you either at home or in a lonely place and they get angry when interrupted, chances are they are thinking about you sexually.

They Bring Up Sexual Discussions

It is normal for people to bring up sexual discussions when speaking with someone they think about sexually. They might even go to the extent of telling you about people they liked that looked just like you.

They Admire Your Body

This one is obvious. When someone begins admiring your body now and then and says sweet things about what you look like in clothes, you can tell that they are thinking about you sexually.

When a man is thinking about you sexually, you will notice him admiring your hips and thighs. He might even go the extent of holding you from behind or touching your waist. In addition to this, he could also lose control of his mind temporarily at this moment.

How do they look at You?

The way one stares at you means lots of things. It could be they are sexually interested in you. One way to tell if someone is interested in you sexually is simply the way they look at you. People stare at others they want sexually in a seductive way.

Pay Attention to the Types of Compliments they give

It is normal for people to compliment others. There are times complements have no ulterior motive. Other times, they do this to get something from the person being complimented. By simply paying attention to the compliments you get from someone and how they react while complimenting you,  can help you  tell if they are thinking about you sexually.

Women and men might not complement those they are thinking about sexually the same way. Often, when a man is interested in a woman sexually, he compliments her body.

Listen to What They Say

The type of words people use goes a long way to show the intent of their hearts. This is applicable to various aspects of life and can help you know if someone is sexually interested in you. People that are sexually interested in an individual use words that make this obvious. Sometimes, they get confused when talking to someone they are interested in.

They Notice You Easily

People notice those they are thinking about sexually. They will not struggle to know their every movement and actions. Going by this, if someone can give you a detailed account of your lifestyle, where you go, and when you make a move, while there is no guarantee that they are interested in you, they just might be thinking about you sexually.